Author Topic: Why I failed my English exam  (Read 2551 times)

okey

  • Posts: 220
Why I failed my English exam
« on: September 23, 2005, 07:09:57 AM »
Quote
Let\'s face if, English is a crazy language there is no egg in eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France

Sweetmeats   are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren\'t sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write, but fingers don\'t fing, grocers don\'t groce, and hammers don\'t ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn\'t the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese, so, one moose, 2 meese?

One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?

If teachers taught, why didn\'t \'t preachers praught? If a veg?etarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitanan eat?

In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?

Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship?

Have noses that run and feet that smell?

Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?

When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.

When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay1 I end it?

Now I know why I flunked my English. It\'s not my fault but the silly language doesn\'t quite know whether it\'s coming or going.
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Quality is never an accident; It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, Intelligent direction and skillful execution;
It represents the wise choice of many alternatives

okey

  • Posts: 220
Interesting piece
« Reply #1 on: September 23, 2005, 07:12:50 AM »
Quote
The Irish daughter had  not been home in 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her; \"Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn\'t you write us; not even a line to let us know how you were doing?  Why didn\'t you call?  You little tramp!  Don\'t you know what you put your Mum through??!!\"

The girl, crying, replied, \"Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute...\"

\"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot!  Sinner!  You\'re a disgrace to this family - I don\'t ever want to see you again!\"

\"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten room mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 200 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you, Daddy, the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that\'s parked outside, plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)... an invitation for you all to spend New Year\'s Eve on board my new yacht in the South of France, and....\"

\"Now, what was it you said you had become?\"

Girl, crying again, \"Sniff, sniff... A prostitute, Dad... Sniff, sniff.\"

\"Oh, beJesus - you scared me half to death, girl!  I thought you said \"a Protestant.  Come here and give your old man a hug!\"  
===
Quality is never an accident; It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, Intelligent direction and skillful execution;
It represents the wise choice of many alternatives

uapo4

  • Posts: 559
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Re: Interesting piece
« Reply #2 on: September 23, 2005, 08:33:34 AM »
Quote from: \"okey\"
Quote
The Irish daughter had  not been home in 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her; \"Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn\'t you write us; not even a line to let us know how you were doing?  Why didn\'t you call?  You little tramp!  Don\'t you know what you put your Mum through??!!\"

The girl, crying, replied, \"Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute...\"

\"WHAT!!? Out of here, you shameless harlot!  Sinner!  You\'re a disgrace to this family - I don\'t ever want to see you again!\"

\"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this luxury fur coat, title deeds to a ten room mansion, plus a savings account certificate for 200 million. For my little brother, this gold Rolex, and for you, Daddy, the spanking new Mercedes limited edition convertible that\'s parked outside, plus a lifetime membership to the Country Club...(takes a breath)... an invitation for you all to spend New Year\'s Eve on board my new yacht in the South of France, and....\"

\"Now, what was it you said you had become?\"

Girl, crying again, \"Sniff, sniff... A prostitute, Dad... Sniff, sniff.\"

\"Oh, beJesus - you scared me half to death, girl!  I thought you said \"a Protestant.  Come here and give your old man a hug!\"  

This man bu onye ala :evil:  :twisted:
"Incline Thy ear, O Lord, and hear me: for I am needy and poor" -- Psalm lxxxv. 1

signopago

  • Posts: 451
Why I failed my English exam
« Reply #3 on: September 23, 2005, 09:19:08 AM »
The Irish story is a sad one but very funny at the same time.lllllloooolllllllll
It\'s beautiful to love and be loved.