Author Topic: Feminism and Polygamy a Match Made in “Heaven”?  (Read 2718 times)


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Feminism and Polygamy a Match Made in “Heaven”?
« on: January 18, 2009, 10:39:56 PM »
Feminism and Polygamy a Match Made in “Heaven”?


Festus Ikeotuonye

Recently, I read an article by a young “Nigerian” woman in one of the Nigerian Newspapers. The topic was of course the clichéd “lack of good men”. She concluded the article by “daring” to contemplate “polygamy”. I remember I wrote something a while ago about polygamy suggesting that it might help to stabilize the turbulence the family unit is undergoing in Africa at the moment. Many African women are just “wasting” and stable family units (whether monogamous or polygamous) are the key to solving social problems. All the evidence about social problems point to unstable community and family units as the root cause – including single mothers, broken family that create the need for young men and women to look for support and group identity elsewhere.

Anyhow, in my numerous discussions with women on this matter, and this is important, I found that “white” women, Muslim Women (perhaps except Pakistanis) and some Latin American women are not as hostile to the polygamy idea as African and African American women (even the babies mamas). The question is why? In one Web site where they are discussing this issue, a sensible voice reminded those assuming that monogamy is the standard of human marriage arrangement that:
“That is quite a socially arrogant view...I would be willing to bet  “real” money that if India had had the technology and had colonized Europe we\'d be living in a polygamous (both polygny & polyandry) society where monogamy would be viewed as the deviant culture that couldn\'t possible have amounted to much...;-)” (

The funny thing is that Africans have never been monogamous, even today in Africa or in diaspora. Why are sisters so “mad” about this idea….? Many brothers put it down to what some claim is the usual tendency of sisters to “throw salt into a brother’s game”. But what will the sister gain?

Below is the famous article \"Polygamy: The Ultimate Feminist Lifestyle\" by Elizabeth Joseph - a famous “feminist” (yes feminist) who not only endorses polygamy but is in it. Now, why would a feminist marry a man with many other wives?  Now hang on, she actually claims that polygamy is the “feminist option” when it comes to marriage, sisters, on the other hand, see it the other way round.

So, sisters why not “double team” or “triple team” on brothers, I know it is not a fair fight (all is fair in love and war though) because women always win, but why not if it will balance things out. But a note of caution to the brother already dreaming about five Lauryn Hills with Mary J. Blige’s sister’s waist line. “Double teaming” on you also means that they can drop “the bees” on you (multiplied according to their number). And… as you know, “African killer” bees are relentless and as Chris Rock said, they often “don’t have the need to make sense”. So, yes, you might be “buzzing” but it depends on if there is some “sting” in that buzz, no pun intended.

Bottom line (again no pun intended) is I will take the risk of the “killer bees” if the “queen bee” gives me “assurances”. I am man enough, after all, my hero Fela Kuti managed 27 wives… wetin if it too hard na draw and draw na equality abi? I have 26 vacancies in my nascent \"harem\", any good teams with the right attitudes and (very important), the right \"particulars\" may apply. Lol

Polygamy - The Ultimate Feminist Lifestyle
By Elizabeth Joseph

I\'ve often said that if polygamy didn\'t exist, the modern American career woman would have invented it. Because, despite its reputation, polygamy is the one lifestyle that offers an independent woman a real chance to \"have it all\".

One of my heroes is Dr. Martha Hughes Cannon, a physician and a plural wife who in 1896 became the first woman legislator in any U.S. state or territory. Dr. Cannon once said, \"You show me a woman who thinks about something besides cookstoves and washtubs and baby flannels, and I will show you nine times out of ten a successful mother\". With all due respect, Gloria Steinem has nothing on Dr. Cannon.

As a journalist, I work many unpredictable hours in a fast-paced environment. The news determines my schedule. But am I calling home, asking my husband to please pick up the kids and pop something in the microwave and get them to bed on time just in case I\'m really late? Because of my plural marriage arrangement, I don\'t have to worry. I know that when I have to work late my daughter will be at home surrounded by loving adults with whom she is comfortable and who know her schedule without my telling them. My eight-year-old has never seen the inside of a day-care center, and my husband has never eaten a TV dinner. And I know that when I get home from work, if I\'m dog-tired and stressed-out, I can be alone and guilt-free. It\'s a rare day when all eight of my husband\'s wives are tired and stressed at the same time.

It\'s helpful to think of polygamy in terms of a free-market approach to marriage. Why shouldn\'t you or your daughters have the opportunity to marry the best man available, regardless of his marital status?
I married the best man I ever met. The fact that he already had five wives did not prevent me from doing that. For twenty-three years I have observed how Alex\'s marriage to Margaret, Bo, Joanna, Diana, Leslie, Dawn, and Delinda has enhanced his marriage to me. The guy has hundreds of years of marital experience; as a result, he is a very skilled husband.

It\'s no mystery to me why Alex loves his other wives. I\'d worry about him if he didn\'t. I did worry in the case of Delinda, whom I hired as my secretary when I was practicing law in Salt Lake City. Alex was in and out of my office a lot over the course of several months, and he never said a word about her. Finally, late one night on our way home from work, I said, \"Why haven\'t you said anything about Delinda?\"
He said, \"Why should I?\"

I said, \"She\'s smart, she\'s beautiful. What, have you gone stupid on me?\"
They were married a few months later.
Polygamy is an empowering lifestyle for women. It provides me the environment and opportunity to maximize my female potential without all the tradeoffs and compromises that attend monogamy. The women in my family are friends. You don\'t share two decades of experience, and a man, without those friendships becoming very special.

I imagine that across America there are groups of young women preparing to launch careers. They sit around tables, talking about the ideal lifestyle to them in their aspirations for work, motherhood, and personal fulfillment. \"A man might be nice,\" they might muse. \"A man on our own terms,\" they might add. What they don\'t realize is that there is an alternative that would allow their dreams to come true. That alternative is polygamy, the ultimate feminist lifestyle.

From a speech given by Elizabeth Joseph at \"Creating a Dialogue: Women Talking to Women\", a conference organized by the Utah chapter of the National Organization for Women. Joseph is an attorney, a journalist, and lives in Big Water, Utah. May 1997