A friend sent me this and it really cracked me up....... :lol:
THIS IS WHAT A GUY WROTE TO A SYSTEM ANALYST:
Dear Systems Department,
I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my
program from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new
program began
unexpected child Processing and also took up a lot of
space and valuable resources.
This wasn\'t mentioned in the product brochure. In
addition Wife 1.0
Installs itself into all other programs and launches
during systems
Initialization and then it monitors all other system
activities.
Applications such as \"Boys\' Night out 2.5\" and \"Golf
5.3\" no longer Run,
and crashes the system whenever selected. Attempting
to operate
Selected \"Saturday Rugby 6.3\" always fails
and \"Saturday Shopping 7.1\" runs instead.
I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
whilst attempting to run any of my favourite
applications.
Be it online or offline.
I am thinking of going back to \"Girlfriend7.0\", but
uninstall doesn\'t work on this program.
Can you please help?
>
>
... AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID;
Dear Customer,
This is a very common problem resulting from a basic
misunderstanding of the functions of the \"wife1.0
\"program.
Many customers upgrade from \"Girlfriend 7.0\" to \"Wife
1.0 \" thinking that \"Wife 1.0\" is merely a UTILITY
AND ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM.
Actually, \"Wife 1.0 \" is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed
by it\'s Creator to Run everything.
You are unlikely to be able to purge \"Wife 1.0 \"and
still convert back to \"Girlfriend 7.0 \", as \"Wife 1.0
\" was not
designed to do this and it is Impossible to uninstall,
delete
or purge the program files from the System once it is
installed.
Some people have tried to install \"Girlfriend 8.0 \"or
\"Wife 2.0 \"
but have ended up with even more problems.
(See manual under Alimony/Child Support and
Solicitors\' Fees).
Having \" Wife 1.0 \" installed, I recommend you keep it
installed And deal with the difficulties as best as
you can.
When any faults or problems Occur, whatever you think
has caused them, you must run the
C:\\APOLOGIZE\\FORGIVE ME Program
and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key
for it will freeze the entire system.
It may be necessary to run C:\\APOLOGIZE\\FORGIVE ME
for a number of times, and eventually hope that
the operating system will return to normal.
\"Wife 1.0 \", although a very high maintenance program,
can be very rewarding.
To get the most out of it, consider buying additional
Software such as \"Flowers 2.0\" and \"Chocolates 5.0\"
or \"HUGS\\KISSES 600.0\" or
\"TENDERNESS \\ UNDERSTANDING 1000.0\",
or even \"Eating Out Without the Kids 7.2.1\"
(if child processing has already started).
DO NOT under any circumstances install \"Secretary 2.1\"
(Short Skirt Version) or \"One Nightstand 3.2\"
(Any Mood Version), as this is not a supported
Application for \"Wife 1.0 \"and the system will almost
definitely crash.
GOOD LUCK :wink:
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