No Woman Can Do Me the Way A Naija Woman!!!!
Hey, yo!!!
I\'ve got good vibes flowing in and around me. Maybe it\'s the weather.
Maybe it\'s the fact that I received a Consortium Fellowship for a full two year tuition scholarship to NYU\'s School of Business. YES, damnit!!!!! You know how much the freaking tuition is? Freaking $30K a year!!!!
What? I\'m blessed...God is definitely being good to me.
If you haven\'t, take yo\' ass to the theater and check out \"The Matrix\". Now, that\'s a movie experience. The story was on point, the fighting had my sister and her friends all glued to the big screen, and the characters were so cool I wanted to strap on my Oakleys and jump in with them. Go see it.
Naija women...Naija women. Unh-unh-unh!!! Y\'know, I just came back from a very good friend\'s birthday shindig. Good food, she put her culinary skills on display. At one point, there were between twelve to fifteen women in the room and I was the only guy. Bobos pray for these kind of numbers every night...lo and behold!!! It was right there in front of me. But, here\'s the odd part: instead of scheming and figuring out which one of all these fine women I would collar into a corner and drop my Babyface lyrics on (has never worked for me, the finger marks on my face are painful reminders), I went into observation mode. I sat down and watched a group of exquisite women at their natural best. I needed fluids to cool my internal system, the way a car needs coolant when the engine gets hot....ssssssssssss!!! I attended the inaugural NPNetwork meeting last week in Bmore. Naija women were there too. And I was watching them too. Like Jim Carrey would say...SSSSSMOKING!!!! My sister is visiting from NYC, her friends have been hanging at my place. My queens...my baby dolls. I attended a Naija party in Bmore about three Saturdays ago with these same friends of my sister. Naija women all over the place. I felt like Sinbad in the Valley of Diamonds.
So, Chidi. All this yeye watching, self...wetin you get out of am?
Fellas, Naija women are the bomb. The shiznit. The all and all. The true essence of Naija. The epitome of \"woman\". The loves of our lives. No one can do us the way Naija women do us. Ah-ah!!! What? What do you want? Smarts? They got it. Style? Loads. Body? Beaucoup body. Naija women are the blueprints for the female body. Me...I\'m a nyash and legs man and Naija women deliver the nyash and legs like FedEx, kponkwem!!! Love? Their love is like water: abundant and life giving. Sexy? Sexy like hell. Soul? From the heart, baby!! They keep it really real. Strength? Physically? Have you ever fought one? Show me your scars. Mentally? Give them your best shot, you know the deal. I\'m sure by now you\'ve figured out there\'s a musical tag to every single event in my life, the song that was playing from my mix tape in the car as I was rolling from Chinedu\'s b-day thingamajig was Surface\'s \"Happy\". Remember the lyrics? \"Only you can make me happy...so happy...so happy. You\'re all I need in my life, don\'t need no one...don\'t need no one but you.\"
That statement is a very powerful one that we can make about our sistas.
Those of us who had the pleasure to attend mixed secondary schools can relive those days when our school girls treated us like kings. Many times we kinda played it off, didn\'t acknowledge them. But we were young and stupid. My school mother did so much for me during my Class One years, I feel so bad that I\'ve never had the chance to thank her for being the ultimate big sister. She hooked me up. During dining, she would send one of the junior girls to go to the kitchen (she was a prefect) and get the real food, not that banned nuclear waste that they served on the tables. She would then ask me to wait after dining and feed the shege banza out of me. Ah!!! During social gatherings, this woman would dance with me, and then her friends would dance with me, senior guys had to watch me schmooze with their GFs...it was all about me, Chidi Afulezi, nwa Doc Afulezi. Of course, I received the appropriate beatdown back in the dorms, but hey!! As a senior student, we had our classmates. I didn\'t have a girlfriend in school (I was busy batting away those FGGC Owerri girls...uh-oh, I think I hear the collective gasp of disgust from the Owerri girls on this list. I\'m in trouble now...). When I was sick, man, the letters and provisions that my class girls sent me was just one of the many ways that I and many other guys received love from our ladies in maroon. Actually, this one girl sent me this yam porridge that ended up sending me back home for two weeks. I avoided her for the rest of my SS career.
Our mothers. Need I say more, huh? My mother, whom we affectionately call \"Mama\" (with an American accent, a result of my toddler days in Oregon), is like...I mean...she has to be the strongest person on earth. Fine like no man\'s business, smart as hell, resilient like Joan of Arc. And I know all of you on this e-list feel the same way about your \"mamitos\" too. I could write a novel on my momsie, and Evander Holyfield will use it as mental preparation b4 any of his battles in the ring.
I will sing the praises of Naija women, screw it, they deserve it. Am I a woman wrapper? Not yet. I\'m still running solo, so right now I\'m not under anyone\'s charms. This piece is not to gain brownie points with anyone, or to butter up the women, or just plain fiction. It\'s the truth, and the truth must be told. No woman can turn me the hell on the way a Naija woman can turn me the hell on!!!!! They don\'t ask for much. All they want, like my girl L-Boogie will say, is \"to get some re-ciprocity-yyy!!!\". That\'s all. Yes, I acknowledge that the power moves I\'m making right now with b-school and starting my own entertainment gig and all that good stuff is about self improvement, family enrichment, community development. But, I also intend to bring the best Foo Lazy that I can bring to the honey who ultimately will end up as my partner in crime. The other pea in the nut. It\'s the least that I can do for her. I see bobos bouncing around, looking all sharp and stuff but bitter as hell about our women. And you ask, \"So what\'s the issue, big man?\". \"Nna men, these women here. Akata don mess with their heads. They don craze, man\". Well, look at it this way: what are you bringing to the plate? Really? The fine Naija woman that fashied your ass like a used tampon, did she do it because this whole feminism nonsense has scattered her brains? Or did she do it because she has to be sure when she falls, what she gets is just as fierce as what she gives.
Fierce...now that\'s my word.
Y\'know what?
What, Chidi?
If you are with a Naija woman right now, show that woman some love. If you\'ve been giving her love, double it. If you don\'t got nobody to give love to...go to your bed and SHARAAAAAPPPP!!!!
I\'m done talking.
LazyFool out.
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