Author Topic: POLYGAMY REVISITED  (Read 2884 times)

festus

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POLYGAMY REVISITED
« on: August 19, 2004, 05:16:05 PM »
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I noticed that the discussion about Polygamy is interesting to many so I found an article written by a more knowledgeable person. This article basically shows us young nijaz why our ancestor?s marriages and relationships were a lot more stable and genuine than our modern ?babies mamas? solution to family and social life.

Festus


Polygamy

by Baba Fasina Falade

\"Odu Oyeku Meji ni, Okan soso poro l\'obinrin dun mo l\'owo oko. Bi won ba di meji won a d\'ojowu. Bi won ba di meta won a d\'eta ntule.\"

\"One only is the best number of women that should be in a man\'s home. Make them two and you bring in jealousy, if they become three they throw the house in disorder.\"


There have been many discussions about the polygamous society of the Yorubas. If we are to understand the ancient traditional society, we must rebuild or reorientate our thinking and not to substitute the dictionary meaning of polygamy. We must also address the social conditioning of 400 years of separation from traditional values.

Firstly, this system isn\'t a excuse for sexually promiscuous relationships, be it instigated by male or female. It is a system of developing the family. Yoruba marriages traditionally, are the merging of families and not just the bringing together of a man and woman. This is the reason that screening and dowries are apart of the ritual. This was not the \"free and easy\" approach to marriage. If, for example, ones\' brother passes, it\'s the responsibility of the next man in the family to support or provide for the wife and children of the deceased to maintain the family structure.

In our contemporary social conditioning, we view things on a worldly or physical level and cannot see the important of \"spiritually caring\" for each other. Conditioned men use the term, polygamy, to sexual exploit the mothers without respecting them. We find that in traditional society it approved of the multiple wives system, provided it was did in the open and not to the detriment of others. \"Without lies or deception\". Most relationship in this society begin with deception and then we sit back and wonder why we cannot have an enduring or secure relationship. Traditionally, there was also a multiple husband system, for a wife was free to leave her husband to take residence as the wife of another man, especially if the first failed to make her fruitful, but it had to be a clean break and in accordance with the custom which did not impose sanctions through the medium of high divorce fees or slander. This is not to be judged as adultery, which is not accepted in the tradition, but the right of the person to receive truth in relationships. Adultery is quite a different matter. This was a contract between God and man, in which any individual culprit necessarily and automatically involved society-as the organic unit of which that individual is an integral part-in \"a crime against the gods and as such society became responsible and the punishment of the gods would be meted out, not simply to the people involved, but to society as a whole. Again it\'s necessary to be up-front in ones relationships or face the consequences of your actions.

I don\'t believe that most have grown to the point of accepting responsibilities in polygamous relationships. Many who state that they are for this, both men and women, get mid stream and reverse their direction. We must be sincere at the beginning of the affair and not to have hidden motives for involvements, e.g., money, titles, alimony or sex, etc. If these are the motives they should be revealed in the beginning of the relationship and no deceit/lies or hidden agendas. If the beginning is in this direction of truth, not only will you have a lasting relationship, but be able to \"have your cake and eat it to\", meaning that everything will be shared in harmony.

Reprinted with kind permission from Fasina Falade. Please visit his website Ijo Orunmila.

uapo4

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POLYGAMY REVISITED
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2004, 02:02:31 AM »
There are some pretty points made, but to balance things out, it will be nice to see an opposition. If not an opposition, at least a lady\'s perspective. Right now, I\'m a bit worn out from the response you (sir Festus) forced out of me on \"What makes one a man?\", so I can\'t give an opposing view at the moment. :roll:  :D
"Incline Thy ear, O Lord, and hear me: for I am needy and poor" -- Psalm lxxxv. 1

Prince

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POLYGAMY REVISITED
« Reply #2 on: December 17, 2004, 04:40:40 AM »
Hey, uapo4.  Long time.

Regarding the issue at hand, Plygamy, I agree with you about some intersting points being made.  However, I\'m curious about what your opposing viewpoint is gonna be.  So bro, hurry up and get to writing.  You know what they say, \"Enquiring minds want to know.\"

Festus, this is a serious issue you have raised.  You have my thanks.  It\'s my belief that the matter of polygamy is smack in the middle of the decimation of African cultures.  And it\'s only by fully understanding the issue and properly educating our youths can whatever is left of our cultures be salvaged.  

I can\'t say, with any degree of certainty, that I know anything about the Yoruba culture other than the fact that they are party animals.  But I may have a thing or two to say from the vantage point of an Igbo man.  It won\'t be long now.
He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.

If you s-m-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what the Prince - is - cooking!!

(Adapted from WWE’s Rock.)

Prince

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POLYGAMY
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2005, 02:28:41 AM »
Fri Aug 20, 2004 at 7:02 am, Uapo4 promised the members of and visitors to this site his opposing view to the issue of ?Should Africans Return to Polygamy Instead of Serial Monogamy?? Reasonable time having elapsed, I just have to assume he either forgot or vacated his promise.  I guess life goes on and people do too.

Barking Up The Wrong Tree
Mr. Festus raised an important issue and somehow linked the moral decadence engulfing today?s Africa to the 7 to 1 gender imbalance.  His solution?  Polygamy.   Yes, polygamy is a legitimate issue, the lack of understanding of which has reduced Africa to a shadow of herself.  Equally true is the fact that the vices enumerated by Festus namely: explosion of bastard children, unemployment, crime, HIV aids, etc are a real and present danger in the face of African society.  However, he failed to show that the 7 to 1 gender ratio is responsible for the moral predicament snaring Africa into the bottomless pit.  And neither did he demonstrate that polygamy would ensure our cultural clean bill of health.    

Aq Was Right
I?m of the opinion that Aq?s ?50 kobo? response of Sunday January 25, 2004 did a masterful job refuting Festus? assertions.  That she threw in the towel later in the game was as disheartening as it was disappointing.  I?m dying to know why the change of mind.  Never the less, I still throw in my hat with Aq in the conviction that Africa?s moral decay cannot be blamed on the 7 to 1 gender ratio, and neither will polygamy diminish society?s evils.  Both Festus and the Ghanaian woman have genuine concerns but they are barking up the wrong tree, as the saying goes.

Polygamy Is Blameless
A closer look at the choices at hand (Polygamy or Serial Monogamy) will find that this is not an ?either/or? situation and therefore cannot be a solution to the female population explosion dilemma, which is erroneously blamed for our society?s moral degradation.  As a matter of fact, both are liable to aggravate the problem neither can solve.  I know because my grand father had twelve wives and my stepfather had four.  Both have large families.  But guess what: both families have children with the same gender ratio, which Mr. Festus is attempting to neutralize, prevailing.  Back to square one, aren?t we?

Polygamy Misunderstood
For the record, I agree with Festus, coming down on the side of polygamy albeit for different reasons.  Polygamy is served a ?bum rap.?  It?s a case of ?give the cat a bad name and hang it,? as the adage goes.  I believe that if we understood the nature of polygamy, it might not have to endure the bad labels ascribed to it.  This debate would then be unnecessary.

Polygamy In Igboland
Polygamy flourished as part and parcel of the Igbo culture, until Christianity arrived.  With a half-baked understanding of the bible under their armpit, the early missionaries set out to bloody the nose of the pride of Igbo culture.  Before the advent of ?civilization,? the only vehicle of commerce in Igboland was bartering, the simple exchange of commodities.  There was no money, no bank.  Nine times out of ten, the exchange of commodities was not equitable.  In an emergency, a man needing a chicken for his native medicine man may find himself giving up a goat or more.  So to ensure that he had the exact article of exchange at all times, a man had to accumulate lots of everything.

Polygamy As Wealth Builder
The wealth of a man was therefore measured by the amount of landed property, quantity of agricultural produce, and the number of livestock and cash crop he commanded.  Without the benefit of modern technology and mechanized farming, working huge parcels of land, managing numberless palm trees, raffia palms, coconut trees, orange trees, kola nut trees, banana stems, plantain plants, iroko trees, etc, and herding great numbers of cows, sheep, goats, and chicken or otherwise accumulate wealth became an impossible feat.  A large family made all this easier.  Polygamy could start a man on his way to riches or tremendously grow existing wealth.

Polygamy For Protection
Polygamy automatically translates to huge families and very large compounds.  Nobody messes with a member of a large family.  When one inadvertently crosses paths with you and you are from a large family, the mere mention of your heritage struck fear in the heart of your assailant.  Girls born to huge families were safe anywhere, even when they married.   Any misbehavior by her husband quickly attracted the visit from his in-laws.  They left behind an ugly scene.  Incidentally, an overwhelming majority of young maidens did crave to marry into large families, for financial and physical security.  Even thieves dreaded to visit polygamous families.

Polygamy For Power
A man wielding enormous wealth and protection enjoyed power and influence as an added bonus.  He said whatever he pleased and when he spoke, people listened.  Almost everybody owed him a favor and he could call in his markers any time he pleased.  He got his way all the time.  That is the dream of every Igbo man.  

A good many folks who oppose it do so for selfish reasons, the most popular being, ?I won?t share my man.?  I?m not gonna deal with that group since I can?t tell them to refrain from selfishness.  Their position is by personal choice.  

Polygamy Immoral and Sinful?
Many people oppose polygamy only for religious reasons.  Some say polygamy is immoral.  Others call it adultery.  Most say it?s sinful.  I?ll beg to differ.  Let?s find out from he who owns the universe.
The American Heritage Dictionary of the English Language, 4th Edition, defines sin as ?A transgression of a religious or moral law, especially when deliberate; Deliberate disobedience to the known will of God.?
Better yet, 1John 3:4 says, ?Whosoever committeth sin transgresseth also the law: for sin is the transgression of the law.?

Both definitions have one thing in common: that sin is a violation of the law.  Therefore, if there?s no law, there?s no sin.  That gives me the impetus to dare anybody to find, in the bible, where polygamy is prohibited.  Any takers?  I didn?t think so.

Polygamy and God
(1) Consider that Jesus was billed to be the son of David, the man most loved by God.  David?s wives numbered in the hundreds.   His son, Solomon, also Jesus? ancestor, raked in a total of 1,000 women (700 wives and 300 concubines). If polygamy were a sin, both men would have lived chin-high in it and would be considered to have sinned openly and recklessly.  Would God have chosen such a vile lineage for his son?

(2) When David signed Uriah?s death warrant and took his wife, Bathsheba, he already had numerous wives.  God was displeased; not for the taking of another wife but for violating Exodus 20:17 ??thou shalt not covet thy neighbour\'s wife.?  2Sam 12:9 pinpoints David?s sin thus: ?Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? Thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon.?


(3) It may shock you to know that, God gives material wealth including wives to those he loves.  In indicting King David for his sin, God revisited the favors he showed the King and then added, ?And I gave thee thy master\'s house, and thy master\'s wives into thy bosom, and gave thee the house of Israel and of Judah; and if that had been too little, I would moreover have given unto thee such and such things [2Sam 12:8].

(4) God hates sin, immorality, and adultery.  The foregoing circumstances bear out the fact that polygamy is not adultery, not sinful, and definitely not immoral.

Status Of Polygamy
Polygamy has a lot to do with culture and nothing to do with religion.  That makes it a matter of choice not and an issue for commandment or legislation. It was a system, which served the Igbos well.  It is unconscionable beyond measure to bloody its nose so unjustifiably.

Granted, polygamy may have outlived its usefulness, but it?s still a matter of choice, based on accommodation and goal.  As far as I can see, it has never been outlawed in Igboland.  This makes it difficult to address the topic of debate: ?Should Africans return to Polygamy instead of serial monogamy and Polyfidelity??  And by the way, what is ?Polyfidelity??  I couldn?t find it in the dictionary.  Help!!
He who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.

If you s-m-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-l-l-l-l-l-l-l what the Prince - is - cooking!!

(Adapted from WWE’s Rock.)