Author Topic: True Love???  (Read 6483 times)

tsly

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True Love???
« on: April 12, 2005, 05:05:10 AM »

True love requires one making sacrifices. Here is a situation? As we all know from the picture above, the couple above have a 25% chance of having a child with sickle cell.

If you were in this situation, would you go on ahead with the marriage bearing in mind the repercussions,  a 25% chance of having a child with sickle cell?

Or would you forego true love? and continue the search for a soulmate?

What\'s your take on this?

uapo4

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« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2005, 07:40:14 AM »
Wow, this is a difficult situation really.  However, if I were in that situation, I will forego going into marriage with the lady.  Tsly, you brought up a VERY important thing that a number of people ignore before marriage: testing for blood type.

You see the problem with AS marrying an AS is that, even though there is only a 25% chance of having a sickle cell (SS) kid, there\'s no guarantee that it could be only one kid out of four that will have SS; it might turn out that ALL the kids will be SS.  It is very expensive to maintain one not to talk of a situation of having three or more.  It is a very miserable situation to be in for those who have the experience because the kid suffers, you suffer, and you necessarily run through emotional and financial pains.

Also, I believe that you will indeed find another true love if it\'s meant to be that way. Some people say that \"LOVE IS BLIND\", which I don\'t agree with. \"INFATUATION IS BLIND, WHILE LOVE IS REAL AND UNSELFISH\" Anyway, the bottomline is that it\'s good to check your blood type. Of course, if you are AA, then there\'s nothing to worry about; marrying your love, regardless of blood type, will result in kids without SS, which is a good thing!
"Incline Thy ear, O Lord, and hear me: for I am needy and poor" -- Psalm lxxxv. 1

Chizi

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« Reply #2 on: April 12, 2005, 08:55:37 AM »
Good topic indeed. If I were AS and really loved someone who\'s AS as well, I think I\'ll take my chances. Children with SS can live well into adulthood if they\'re well taken care of. They basically need to be well hydrated and well oxygenated all the time. It\'s inadequate hydration coupled with inadequate Oxygen that triggers the red blood cells to become disk shaped and unable to bind efficiently with hemoglobin, further compromising the transport of the little available oxygen to the body cells. These children should avoid places with less than 21% oxygen (normal atmospheric O2 level) like high altitudes. They should avoid flying and do so only when necessary and drink lots of fluids (water especially). Places with humid atmosphere are preferable, hot/cold dry regions should be avoided if possible. They should learn to be deep breathers at all times to fill the lungs with the maximum amount of O2 possible. They should avoid strenous activities that stress the heart and increase the heart\'s and body\'s need for oxygen. Of course, there wouldn\'t be life without the grace of God, so we can only use our knowledge to do the best we can, the rest is the will of God.
<div>Little minds are subdued by misfortune, but great minds rise by it. <br /></div>

fagin

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« Reply #3 on: April 12, 2005, 11:19:33 AM »
I totally agree with you Chizi. Tsly, this is a really difficult situation. If I was really “in love” with someone so much that I can’t help it, like Chizi said, I will take my chances regardless. A 25% chance of having the disease doesn’t mean that that child will definitely have the disease. Couples with the sickle cell traits still have normal / kids with the trait, but might be told not to have so many because of the chances of having the disease. Well, the both of us can still go for genetic counseling to find out what the chances are that our kids will have the sickle cell anemia before we begin to play the pic-a-boo game.

What about “genetic testing” before implantation? That can help detect the disease before implanting the embryo in the woman\'s uterus. I know that there are some ethical issues on that. I and my soulmate can always find an alternative when the worst case scenario happens. But I cannot move on with someone I don’t love. :oops:  :cry:
"The first and final kiss is the one that creates the ultimate symphony of love"

uapo4

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« Reply #4 on: April 12, 2005, 08:04:23 PM »
Just as we\'ve seen, it is very difficult. Actually, most people I believe will opt to marry the person regardless. I think for me, it could be the extent of the love you have and remember to hold it till you die; never let anything bother you or your spouse despite the trouble that could come with maintaining the SS. As strange as this might sound, I also think one should expect the worse (maybe all SS kids) and know they can handle it. You don\'t want a situation where married people start complaining to each other that they knew they could handle an SS but not four SSs!

Maybe I am not the kind that falls in love quickly...chai, that sucks :lol:  Do you believe that?

Anyway, in whatever we do, it is still important to consider things that might come out in your marriage WHICH YOU KNOW. One of those things is the possiblity of sickle cell child (SS), another is the possibility of having a healthy child without AIDS (i.e. where one or two of the spouses has AIDS)...these are things you can know of by blood testing, so you don\'t be taken unawares when those things which you know start coming up.

It takes a lot of courage and real love to survive through certain situations in marriage. I think it\'s a matter of choice of choosing what you know you might come up that you can handle. I have a lot of respect to what people have done out of true love. Some of those, I don\'t think I can do, but then again I\'ve not been in the same situation either :wink:
"Incline Thy ear, O Lord, and hear me: for I am needy and poor" -- Psalm lxxxv. 1

fagin

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« Reply #5 on: April 12, 2005, 10:32:05 PM »
Quote
I have a lot of respect to what people have done out of true love. Some of those, I don\'t think I can do, but then again I\'ve not been in the same situation either


Uzoma, don\'t worry when you are in love and such a situation comes up, you will always find a way to \"eat your cake and have it at the same time\". Like you said earlier on, that you will forego going into marriage with the lady; what if you can\'t love someone else like you loved the latter?. Will you not marry/be with her just because? I know it\'s tough but with \"genetic counseling\", there are ways things can be worked out. Like i said earlier on, we both have to go for \"genetic counseling\" before we begin to play the pic-a-boo game. But such a situation will not make me be with the one i love and will always love.
"The first and final kiss is the one that creates the ultimate symphony of love"

uapo4

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« Reply #6 on: April 12, 2005, 10:42:11 PM »
Hmm...very true. I have eaten and still eat my cake and have it...what a miracle! :twisted:  Well, Fagin, what you said is true and I don\'t doubt it. Anyway, I have done my own little thing I guess and so far (God willing permanently) don\'t have to worry about those issues. In all, whatever good that makes one click and believe is right, especially in the long run, should be sought.
"Incline Thy ear, O Lord, and hear me: for I am needy and poor" -- Psalm lxxxv. 1

Amaka

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« Reply #7 on: April 13, 2005, 02:36:25 AM »
It?s a very hard decision; let?s talk in real life sense because love can make you do crazy things. I think the health of my kids should be a number one consideration. What I?m I even talking about who knows? But assuming I was an AS I wouldn?t want to marry an SS or AS, it?s just giving birth to kids whom I will be rushing to hospital like everyday. When both parents have the sickle cell trait, there is a 25 percent chance that a child will have sickle cell anemia. But when one parent is carrying the trait and the other actually has the disease, the odds increase to 50 percent likelihood that they will pass the disorder on to their child. It?s just so complicated to make this decision based on true love. If true love is put aside. An AS will be better of finding love with an AA; An SS will be better off finding love with an AA. It?s hard but  i think we need to consider not just for the love of my better-half, but for the love of my children and my generations and the impact of my desicion on them. Until science gives options of eliminating the disease which i believe, theirs currently non, it remains a personal desicion.

uzoms

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« Reply #8 on: April 13, 2005, 04:30:44 AM »
i really agree with amaka. life is a risk already, why add to it in the name of love.  it takes two to tangle, and if one person is pushing or trying to take the risk, while the other is backing up, i think its better to walk away and forget it, becos on the long run, someone will blame someone.

SICKLE CELL CASES/AIDS/DIRECT FAMILY HISTORY OF CANCER : should not be joked with. beware of what ure stepping into especially since theres no cure yet for them.

chinelo

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« Reply #9 on: April 13, 2005, 03:28:58 PM »
i can say i have witnessed 1st hand d experiences concerning dis issue at hand. i have 3 close firends (2 r SS and d other has an SS sister). i have kept vigils during their crises (which almost always fall during exam periods) and i have seen d torture they and their parents go thru ( 1 of d SS one\'s recently lost her sister). d pain is immense,crying with them knowing dat there is nothing u can do physically to make them better,listening to them lamenting their faith. most times the pain lingers- my friend\'s sister was bedridden for a month, ok d next month and dead d month after.
 sounds like a mean thing to say but love is secondary when it comes to sickle cell o, u will need more than love to face d challenges it presents. the guilt and helplessness d parents r faced with is enormous and these are people dat knew nothing about their genotypes till their kids started having problems.just imagine d scenario if u knowingly walk into such a marriage. it is really difficult not to talk about love but  they know better -i\'ve seen them break up perfect relationships on the basis of d other party\'s genotype not being compatible (those were trying times as well but it had to be done). it will be cruelty to go thru all dat pain and take the chances of letting ur kid go thru d same. churches have even taken matters into their hands by complusorily testing would-be couples before going into the plans.
it is a very serious matter dat requires more use of d head than d heart. i honestly wish there was i way around it cos it breaks my heart when my friend talks about a new guy and d next thing i\'m asking is \"is he AA?\"and she wistfully says \"na yam? i guess we\'ll do ok as friends but life is really not fair\".
i have learnt well, d minute i found out i was AS,i sat up;no love wantintin for me, my man has to be straight AA or nothing :wink:
The world is dangerous not because of those who do harm, but because of those who look at it without doing anything -Albert Einstein

uapo4

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« Reply #10 on: April 13, 2005, 07:25:31 PM »
Thanks Chinelo for hitting that point very well.  That\'s my point. At least people should test themselves for their blood type and know what could happen so they don\'t get taken unawares.  However, I still don\'t doubt that people could still go through this with love and understanding BUT IT IS VERY DIFFICULT; IS IT REALLY THE BEST YOU CAN GET? For me, I guess I\'ll call myself an optimist and a realist (of course a christian :D) so if I were an AS and liked a lady as in wanting to marry her but found out that she\'s an AS, I won\'t go ahead (it will surely hurt but we will handle it knowing why); the Lord that created me will surely give me a better option (AA) or I might consider not marrying at all.  At this time, I do not want to go through that kind of pain when it comes up and for the love of the lady who\'s AS, it will also be better she doesn\'t go through the same pain. How do I put it? I don\'t believe in ONE soulmate. The person I eventually marry sacramentally is my soulmate :twisted:
Let me make this sound a little more horrible not that I wish anyone this scenario and God forbid it happens to anyone, but it could still happen to people who don\'t choose it either. Suppose that after a few days or weeks of birth of a new born, one of the parents dies. It is already hard enough to raise one kid(s) alone not to talk of one that is SS and requires a lot of attention. How would you feel?  8O
"Incline Thy ear, O Lord, and hear me: for I am needy and poor" -- Psalm lxxxv. 1

okey

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True Love???
« Reply #11 on: April 15, 2005, 08:35:33 AM »
this is a very tough choice. I will conveniently say i\'ll forego true love and continue to search for my soulmate.

This is because i know kids/people with SS endure a lot of pain.

On the other hand, if I find myself in such a position, I cannot say i will not consider taking a chance and hoping by God\'s grace, all works out.
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Quality is never an accident; It is always the result of high intention, sincere effort, Intelligent direction and skillful execution;
It represents the wise choice of many alternatives

checkj

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True Love???
« Reply #12 on: May 17, 2005, 08:08:57 PM »
Quote from: \"chinelo\"
d pain is immense,crying with them knowing dat there is nothing u can do physically to make them better,listening to them lamenting their faith. most times the pain lingers- my friend\'s sister was bedridden for a month, ok d next month and dead d month after.



Tell me about it?? It is painful to see people in such pain, anyone that is an AS and finds \"true love\" that is an AS should keep looking. The chances are not worth it. My friend does not really like her parents because if they hadn\'t been selfish enough to get married, she and her younger brother would not have the sickle cell anaemia. atleast they have an excuse, they were ignorant of the fact, but now most people are not. SS do not even get health insurance because no insurance company would want to cover them. Their crisis is triggered by stress. Who in this world does not have stress?? Whenever they feel pressure, boom! they have a crisis. Please people, I do not think any child should go through such pain because of selfish love, because true love does not come with sorrows.
Seek first to understand, and then to be understood

checkj

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« Reply #13 on: May 17, 2005, 08:20:46 PM »
What people do now is they go and find out if the baby has sickle cell anaemia or not, if the unborn baby has the disease, they flush the embryo or zygote whichever one it is out, in otherwords they abort the baby. Besides, it is a very expensive procedure, The people I know plan to get pregnant, go to London, and usually come back without the pregnancy, then they save up after a while, go back to London and come back not pregnant. Anyway, they have two kids one is AA and the other AS.

My point, most people do not believe in abortion, if you do, this might be a good idea if you must marry an AS.
Seek first to understand, and then to be understood

fresco

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True Love???
« Reply #14 on: May 18, 2005, 07:49:20 AM »
I don\'t think abortion is necessary if the problem could be prevented at first hand. I mean taking a life is unethical to me, be it embryo or zygote...so i don\'t think abortion should be encouraged.